I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize