Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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