ya dads aren't the best wingmen
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
they call him Oral-B. enough said
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
