it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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