It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
