you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Randomize
