somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
i now understand why vodka
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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