You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
