It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
