2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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