Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
