Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
