the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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