just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
