omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
