I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
