Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Randomize
