Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
