Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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