Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
