ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
