That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
