The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
