allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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