He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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