So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
