eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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