Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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