We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
