You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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