Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
