he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
