i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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