Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
