Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
