Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
