turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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