Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize