Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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