I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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