Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
