I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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