at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
