did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
