And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
