i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
