Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
