I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
