there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
