i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
