He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
