So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize