you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
