he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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