Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I have tasted many bathrooms
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
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