he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
