This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I queefed so loud it echoed.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Come share oat with me in your robe
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
