i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Randomize
