i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
