Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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