Having a random hookup so left but love u
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize
