I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
