Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
