Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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