Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
