relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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