I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
