I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
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