I just made out with a guy for $7.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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