I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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