I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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